Katharine’s Find People Tips

Most of my co-workers are still hating on me for quote-unquote "killing the cat", even though I've long since apologized for it. I think the real reason I'm getting the cold shoulder is because I had the audacity to talk to authority about their behavior. It's like talking to the teacher or the principle, which I would never do. I only went to the G.M. because nobody else around was listening to me. I have a right to be heard, don't I? I could have gotten the ACLU involved, too, if I was a crazy, attention-seeking fame whore but I'm not. I just want things to be fair and bearable in the workplace. As it turns out, a local newspaper is coming to interview me. They're going to portray me as a crusader for justice! That's pretty awesome, even though it's all over a stupid cat who died. Hahaha. Maybe I'll find someone through the article who wants to date me. There's benefits to microfame after all! I still can't believe it's gotten this far. And it's totally not my doing either. It's all because my co-workers are a bunch of uptight prissies who tried to get me fired.

There is one bad thing to report, though. Someone has taken to sending me death threats. I got a note in the mailbox last night threatening to expose my criminal records, which I don't think I have but...you never know. I did get arrested once when I was 15 for underage drinking. It's really not that big of a crime in Alabama (where I was), but apparently it's a huge deal if people are trying to assasinate your character. Ugh, oh well, when this all clears maybe I'll president of the company. That'd be ace, man.

Check this: I went to go talk to the general manager (since my boss, the assistant manager, is a useless sack of rocks) about this whole cat deal. And...he agreed with me! I thought I was going to have start hissing and spitting like, well, a cat, until I got my way but when I laid out the whole course of events including the undue pressures about giving away my sick days, the G.M. basically told me I was totally in the right and he was taking it to the superiors. Wow! I don't think an authority has ever sided with me ever! Whaddyaknow, righteous indignation does work sometimes. I've always been hesitant to ask authorities for anything because I always feel like they're just going to stab me in the back like the time I asked the principle to let me out of Saturday detention so I could go to my Grandfather's funeral and instead he had me arrested at prom. Dick!

Oh well, ever since word got 'round the G.M. was going to be putting some heads on the chopping block it's been nothing but poisonous looks and mean pranks for me at work. The secretary put dishwashing liquid in the cooler and forgot to tell me, although everyone else seemed to know. Oh, and my boss is really shoveling on the hard work for me. I think it's because he knows he won't be around to bury me under paperwork for very much longer. Ha Ha Ha! There's even talk of running a background check on him since he's been so lackluster at business. They think he may have lied on his resume. No! Really?

Tomorrow is my day off and I plan on totally savoring it. Can't wait till the boss is gone! All over a stupid cat, that's totally what gets me. The downside is that now pretty much all my co-workers hate me and see me as a sniveling tattle-tale, which I'm not. I'm crusader for fairness in the workplace! One day I will find person who gets that.

So the stupid cat's dead. And apparently I am responsible. Whatever. They want me to pay for the vet bills, when I was only trying to be nice to the stupid thing in the first place. God. Seriously, why is everyone so effing stupid? I mean, I feel like I'm the only sane one around here. All of my friends are crazy, so much so that they're not even my friends anymore. And don't get me started on my co-workers. Well, I've already started in on them, but I could go on and on about them for days. Ugh. The woman missed an entire week of work, had to use a bunch of personal days to grieve over this stupid animal. My boss is now pressuring me to donate some of my personal sick days to this stupid woman. What the hell? This should be illegal. I'm not doing it. No way. I'm gonna tell my boss off next week. First thing in the morning on Monday. It's just not right. I always get the short end of every stick, and I'm sick of it. Who cares about a dang cat? They care more about that smelly beast than they do me.

I'm just going to stay inside this weekend. I thought about watching a movie or something, but I'd rather just address find. I wanna find people from my high school class and see what losers they've turned into. Sounds like great fun. And it's not like I'm ever gonna need these, but I thought this list of First Date Icebreakers was actually mildly amusing.

Okay, people. I tried this time. I really tried. Making friends with these people is just completely impossible! I don't know what to do anymore. One thing I know I won't be doing is trying to make friends with anyone who works here. It's just pointless and stupid to even try. See, Socks lady brought in her pet cat last week. Everyone was ooing and ahhing over the stupid thing, and I hate cats and was HIGHLY annoyed, but whatev. I figured I should make nice with the beast somehow. I was eating some Hershey's kisses and snuck over to give the cat a bite of one. He ate like four of them and was licking me and everything. It was disgusting but I thought it might ingratiate me to my coworkers. Two hours later, the cat starts puking and acting crazy. He puked out pure chocolatey goop and Socks immediately noticed the wrappers next to the cat's bed. Everyone knows I always eat kisses (I keep a big bag of them on my desk hidden but the wrappers are everywhere) so she comes over and has the nerve to start yelling at me. How was i supposed to know stupid cats can't eat chocolate? I just shut down and didn't even look at her. Man, was she pissed. I'm so sick of this stuff. I wish I could just disappear and just search for people forever. People search has never let me down yet. I just don't have anyone to look up anymore. I hate everyone. Everyone is just stupid. What am I supposed to do? I've already read To Jean Claude Van Damme's Epic Dance in "Kickboxer" like a hundred times. Maybe I should buy vitamin or something, lose the Kisses.

So, my quest to escape this job continues. I did end up finding a tutor to help me study for the GRE, but she was totally weird and obnoxious. I stopped going after my first session, and she still charged me for it. She kinda smelled and spoke in this really annoying tone of voice that made it seem like she thought she was better than me or something. I couldn't handle it. So I'm still at the office. Socks Lady is still wearing her ridiculous socks, even though it's like 80 degrees out now. Why would anyone wear fuzzy socks in this weather? It just makes me so angry sometimes. Everybody's still weird, of course. It's weird being the only normal one in the office. People search is still there for me, though. I'm still trying to drudge up info on my co-workers, trying to access people records, but nothing yet. I'll get them eventually. I'm a great people finder, after all. Maybe I should look into finding a pen pal or something. Doesn't look like I'll be making any friends around here for quite some time (not that I'd want to).

I am so ready to quit this job! Socks lady had on fuzzy kitten socks yesterday. Fuzzy Kitten Socks!! Like, who's going to be feeling her socks that the kittens need to be fuzzy? That's just insane. She has fat ankles too--stupid socks and fat ankles. Plus, no one here talks to me, and they ALL seem to have be-friended her. I've been here forever and no one has ever had lunch with me, but she goes out to lunch with people all the time. I need to find someone who understands me, since obviously no one here ever will. Plus, it's stupid Valentine's day--I bet you anything Socks Lady will have special holiday socks. I might be grumpier than normal since I failed to find someone to spend the holiday with. Looks like it's just me, Ben & Jerry again. I'm thinking of going back to school, but I need to take the GRE to do so. I don't even really know what I want to study--something that will let me deal with people as little as possible. Or at least get out of offices like this. But I suck at tests. I'm going to need to work on finding a tutor to help me study for it. Man, what a sucky day. If it wasn't Friday, I think I'd have to call in sick the rest of the week. 

So, I went home for the holidays, and I was telling my aunt all about how weird all the people at work are, and you know what she said? She said I was paranoid! And judgmental! And sure, we'd all been into the wine at that point, but really, I am soooo not paranoid or judgmental. I just happen to work with some really odd people. Like, a new person just started, replacing Elizabeth, and she wears these socks--they never match her outfit and they always have these patterns on them. Yesterday it was frogs, a bunch of frogs leaping or sitting or catching flies. Frog socks! Can you imagine? Anyway, I found another great people search site, and another cool find a person site as well. But the best was this great guide on how to plan a family reunion. I want to plan one and find better relatives than my aunt, who is just weird too. She can't walk on cracks in the sidewalk; I'm serious. I swear everyone in the world is insane--except for me. But maybe with all my people search skills I'll find the other normal people....here's hoping.

Okay, it's Christmas Eve, and so I decided it would be a great day to come into the office to get some work done, right?  But there are other people here!  Can you believe it?  That's sooo weird!  I have tried doing a people search on every single person in the office, but nothing has come up positive yet!  I'm so sure they must be ax murderers or serial burglars or at least own smiley face underwear or something.  They must!  They're the strangest people.  None of them ever talk to me, and whenever I stare at them, they just look over and glare.  It's so annoying that I just keep staring.  That will show them!  One person, even as I type this, is drinking orange juice through a straw.  Can you imagine?  Why would you do that?  Even if it's pulp-free, that's still pretty gross.  Anyway, I'm still going to try new methods to find people so that eventually I discover all their dirty little secrets.  I guess they must be better at hiding them than I thought. 

Well, it wasn't difficult to find someone else to pick on. I never noticed how many weird people actually work here. I was so consumed with Elizabeth that everyone else seemed normal, not so... I'm still trying to figure out who is the worst, everyone seems to have their quirks, maybe its just me! To help me make up my mind (who I can pick on) I decided to visit one of the people finder sites I am always recommending and people search these weirdos. Its so easy to find someone using people search engines, why not see if any of my weird co-workers has anything to hide!
In other news, and on a more cheery note, I've been thinking about holiday decorating, and found this awesome article on how to get out of doing it yourself: FindAnyoneNow.net - Finding a Holiday Decorator
Until next time :)

Yay! "Elizabeth" is gone for good! What a freak. She finally quit. Something about a better job offer. Whatever, I highly doubt she got a better job. She probably just felt weird being in a office full of fun normal people. It's such a relief that I don't have to come to work and see her face anymore. Ugh. But I guess now I have no one to complain about, I might have to find someone new to pick on. Is that wrong? I don't think so. Well since she's been gone, I've had way more time to people search. I found a bunch of good sites for you guys today. I feel like people search engines are my second home these days. A good person find is better than finding a good sale, I swear. Also, go check out Find Anyone Now, it has great articles on how to find all kinds of people. I found it looking for a realtor for my mom. Anyways, I am done with my lunch, so I'll be back again soon!